I haven’t been posting often, lately. From 2-3 posts a day to a post every 3-4 days, it’s been a slow but consistent descent.
Time is the biggest reason. Work has been killing since April, and the last two months were ever worse. Add to that the new part-time freelancing gig I’ve picked up, the emotional turmoils I have undergone, and you can imagine how pressed for time I have been.
Another reasons has been my eyes. I was operated for cataract in my left eye recently (I’ve written about it in detail earlier). The hope, of course, was that I would have great post-op vision, without glasses. When that didn’t happen and I ended up with almost as high a cylindrical correction as I had pre-op only of a different sign (-2.75 to +2.5) everyone feared something was seriously wrong.
I won’t bore you further with all that happened in the aftermath. Suffice it to say that my eyes still had one trick to play on me. I have been diagnosed with keratoconus, a conical irregularity of the corneal shape that ideally shouldn’t occur in a person my age. I know I didn’t have it before. But, I digress.
The upshot is that it’s a progressive disease, and can potentially blind me. I have a follow-up visit in October to see how fast it is progressing, or if it’s actually stable. Depending on that my therapeutic options range from rigid (RGP) contact lenses, C3R, ICL segments, right up to corneal transplantation. Beyond option 1 though, how much functional vision I will have and what that “functioning” will comprise of is anybody’s guess. Driving, reading and writing would take a hit, probably.
I want to shout out at times. Why me? All the effing problems that could happen in one eye, were mine the only ones to have them all? Is this bloody universe with its putative supernatural entities only content when I am a broken wreck?
I could go on, but what’s the use? There’s a reason it’s called ‘self-pity’, even the one closest to you will not give you it.
Anyhow, I can only wait for October to come along (my birthday month) and see what lies in store. Thank you for reading, it felt a little cathartic to let it out here, where few ppl judge me, and even fewer do it to my face. 🙂