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I haven’t been posting often, lately. From 2-3 posts a day to a post every 3-4 days, it’s been a slow but consistent descent.

Time is the biggest reason. Work has been killing since April, and the last two months were ever worse. Add to that the new part-time freelancing gig I’ve picked up, the emotional turmoils I have undergone, and you can imagine how pressed for time I have been.

Another reasons has been my eyes. I was operated for cataract in my left eye recently (I’ve written about it in detail earlier). The hope, of course, was that I would have great post-op vision, without glasses. When that didn’t happen and I ended up with almost as high a cylindrical correction as I had pre-op only of a different sign (-2.75 to +2.5) everyone feared something was seriously  wrong.

I won’t bore you further with all that happened in the aftermath. Suffice it to say that my eyes still had one trick to play on me. I have been diagnosed with keratoconus, a conical irregularity of the corneal shape that ideally shouldn’t occur in a person my age. I know I didn’t have it before. But, I digress.

The upshot is that it’s a progressive disease, and can potentially blind me. I have a follow-up visit in October to see how fast it is progressing, or if it’s actually stable. Depending on that my therapeutic options range from rigid (RGP) contact lenses, C3R, ICL segments, right up to corneal transplantation. Beyond option 1 though, how much functional vision I will have and what that “functioning” will comprise of is anybody’s guess. Driving, reading and writing would take a hit, probably.

I want to shout out at times. Why me? All the effing problems that could happen in one eye, were mine the only ones to have them all? Is this bloody universe with its putative supernatural entities only content when I am a broken wreck?

I could go on, but what’s the use? There’s a reason it’s called ‘self-pity’, even the one closest to you will not give you it.

Anyhow, I can only wait for October to come along (my birthday month) and see what lies in store. Thank you for reading, it felt a little cathartic to let it out here, where few ppl judge me, and even fewer do it to my face. 🙂


About hbhatnagar

I need to fill this up with much better content than I had populated it with earlier. Why I write a blog maybe? I started blogging in 2009 or thereabouts. I was a newly turned atheist and wanted to converse with others of the same persuasion. We're not exactly a big population group in India! It didn't go very well and I sort of lost interest, posting a few things now and then. I got a lot more regular over the last few months and have been posting almost daily since February '15. There were many reasons why I gradually became more regular in posting, but one way or the other, here I am! So this blog has taken shape, being at different points in time my showcase, my comedy club, my art gallery, my book club, my therapist, my close friend, my innermost self....but always my little corner of the world. You are all welcome to visit and I hope you stay awhile! A few points about me because I don't want to lead anyone on(and trust me this does become an issue more often than I'd care to admit). I'm Indian, the brown-skinned variety; if race, ethnicity or skin colour is an issue, you don't have to get to know me any more than what you see on my blog. I'm 40, so if age is an issue, please be informed accordingly. I was a doctor, an ophthalmic surgeon for 10 years before I quit practice.


17 thoughts on “Breaks

  1. It’s not self pity and Sabiscuit is right … don’t give up, fight hard! You are a winner … healing hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Julie@frogpondfarm | 14/09/2017, 1:48 AM
  2. This is the one question every one asks ‘ why me?’. Sometimes life seems so cruel but then ‘why not me’ am I special not to have these troubles? Just thinking.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Indira | 13/09/2017, 8:51 PM
  3. Be strong, Dr Hb! I have a feeling everything will go well, it takes time. Meanwhile, Be kind to your eyes. My thoughts are with you, as always. Hard for me to click the like…

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Amy | 11/09/2017, 9:27 PM
  4. Oh blimey, I hope it goes okay. It’s good you feel able to vent about it when you need to.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Mick Canning | 11/09/2017, 3:32 PM
  5. Very sorry to hear about what has happened. It is especially hard when there’s nothing you can do about it. I really hope that something can be done to correct the problem or mitigage the progress of the condition. I sincerely hope that this has been a misdiagnosis and that it looks like something that it’s not. You know about my multiple autoimmune issues, so I am sure you know I understand your frustrations and feelings of hopelessness. It feels like someone is pulling your legs as you’re crawling forward. I suspect that part of it has to do with our bodies changing as we simmer along in this stew called life. Warm hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Sabiscuit | 11/09/2017, 5:23 AM
  6. Oh, the irony. The eye doctor with eye problem after eye problem. That sucks. You are handling it better than I probably would.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Victo Dolore | 10/09/2017, 4:16 PM
  7. Sorry to hear about it, doctor ji. But don’t you worry, sab theek ho jayega 🙂 keep up your hopes and faith and you will be alright very soon. 💐💐

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Rekha | 10/09/2017, 3:59 PM

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