I’m 41 years old. Between the ages of 17-29, I studied to become an ophthalmologist. Over the next decade I put that knowledge to use, trying to heal those I could, learning new methods, new techniques, working in conditions that would almost sound primitive to any modern ophthalmologist.
I am 41 years old, and I’m facing my 4th disease that can potentially blind me. I’ve suffered most of the diseases I treated as a doctor and surgeon. I’m tired. I’ve lost hope. I want to crumble into a heap of ash and not exist anymore. But mostly, I’m just tired.
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About hbhatnagar
I need to fill this up with much better content than I had populated it with earlier. Why I write a blog maybe? I started blogging in 2009 or thereabouts. I was a newly turned atheist and wanted to converse with others of the same persuasion. We're not exactly a big population group in India! It didn't go very well and I sort of lost interest, posting a few things now and then.
I got a lot more regular over the last few months and have been posting almost daily since February '15. There were many reasons why I gradually became more regular in posting, but one way or the other, here I am! So this blog has taken shape, being at different points in time my showcase, my comedy club, my art gallery, my book club, my therapist, my close friend, my innermost self....but always my little corner of the world. You are all welcome to visit and I hope you stay awhile!
A few points about me because I don't want to lead anyone on(and trust me this does become an issue more often than I'd care to admit).
I'm Indian, the brown-skinned variety; if race, ethnicity or skin colour is an issue, you don't have to get to know me any more than what you see on my blog.
I'm 40, so if age is an issue, please be informed accordingly.
I was a doctor, an ophthalmic surgeon for 10 years before I quit practice.
hbhatnagar 
Hope you are doing well, Dr Hb. Is it still on 22nd?
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Posted by Amy | 12/12/2017, 6:16 AMThank you Amy, yes it’s still planned just before the Christmas weekend
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 12/12/2017, 7:49 AMHope you will give yourself enough time to recover. I’m sure you told your patients many, many times…
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Posted by Amy | 12/12/2017, 7:52 AMI don’t think I’ll have much choice this time, my eye will be bandaged for about a week! ☺️
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 12/12/2017, 8:58 AMDear Dr. B, please don’t lose hope. My husband got operated at Dr. Keiki Mehta at Mumbai, Kolaba. Every one of his patients said he can do wonders. I don’t know I should say this or not. Eyes are so precious. You have done well to others. I have faith all will be well. Wish you all the best.
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Posted by Indira | 04/12/2017, 11:07 AMThank you Indira, for the kind words.
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 04/12/2017, 2:07 PMI’m so sorry that your eyes haven’t healed yet .. Please don’t give up. You are special and have helped many. Don’t lose hope ..we care so much
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Posted by Julie@frogpondfarm | 02/12/2017, 12:21 AMThank you for your kind words, Julie.
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 02/12/2017, 7:44 AMPlease don’t give up, Dr. Hb! You had been an eye doctor, you know how your patient depended on you and you kept their hope up. My sister-in-law is having her second eye surgery in two month… Just don’t give up. We care.
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Posted by Amy | 27/11/2017, 7:13 PMThank you Amy. It’s just more than I can handle at times…
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 27/11/2017, 9:54 PMI understand… You won’t regret, Dr. Hb. You then can enjoy reading, writing, photographing… even more.
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Posted by Amy | 27/11/2017, 10:10 PMIt’s the list of what I’ll lose if the procedure fails. Well, que sera sera
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 27/11/2017, 10:12 PMI see… It’s a big decision. I had a digital eye surgery a decade ago. It brought back my vision of the eye.
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Posted by Amy | 27/11/2017, 10:17 PMStay with it, Himanshu. Don’t give up! You have a lot of friends out here who care!
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Posted by Mick Canning | 27/11/2017, 6:44 PMThank you Mick.
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 27/11/2017, 9:53 PMYou were created to endure through, persevere over, and conquer all that is place in your path. Yeah we can only put so much hope in temporary things and decaying bodies that we walk this earth in. That is why there is hope outside of this world that is not limited by things that turn into trash and bodies that return to dust….and that hope is always worth holding on to.
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Posted by eccentricsheepie | 27/11/2017, 6:04 PMSome hope somewhere…. Thanks for the kind words.
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 27/11/2017, 9:53 PMDon’t lose hopes doctor ji 🙂 three years ago, I was diagnosed with something that has no treatment. I am alright now whereas I was told I might not even see 2015.
It’s difficult I agree, but whatever happens, do not lose hope 🙂
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Posted by Rekha | 27/11/2017, 4:07 PMThank you Rekha, for your kind words.
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 27/11/2017, 4:16 PMSorry to hear your eyes haven’t healed yet. And I’m so sorry you’re feeling so tired with it all. I’m also sorry that I’m not sure what else to say but I hope you soon find reasons to smile.
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Posted by 10000hoursleft | 27/11/2017, 3:56 PMThank you for your kind words, I just hope it’s over soon…
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 27/11/2017, 4:17 PMI hope by ‘it’ you simply mean the pain. Please talk to someone Dr H (as in IRL). Life is full of suffering but there is also a lot of joy to be experience. You don’t have to suffer through this alone. I guess blogging helps, but I hope you have people close by who you can lean on. Wishing you the best xx
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Posted by 10000hoursleft | 28/11/2017, 2:02 AMI am alone. Blogging helps, it helped me through some of my most painful moments, and it was bloggers who saw me through. Your words mean so much to me, thank you.
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 28/11/2017, 5:37 AMI’m glad you’ve found a way to connect. You’re welcome. I’ll be checking on you somewhere between concern and stalking level 😊
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Posted by 10000hoursleft | 28/11/2017, 6:56 AM🙂
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Posted by hbhatnagar | 28/11/2017, 8:53 AM