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Number 4

I’m 41 years old. Between the ages of 17-29, I studied to become an ophthalmologist. Over the next decade I put that knowledge to use, trying to heal those I could, learning new methods, new techniques, working in conditions that would almost sound primitive to any modern ophthalmologist.

I am 41 years old, and I’m facing my 4th disease that can potentially blind me. I’ve suffered most of the diseases I treated as a doctor and surgeon. I’m tired. I’ve lost hope. I want to crumble into a heap of ash and not exist anymore. But mostly, I’m just tired.


About hbhatnagar

I need to fill this up with much better content than I had populated it with earlier. Why I write a blog maybe? I started blogging in 2009 or thereabouts. I was a newly turned atheist and wanted to converse with others of the same persuasion. We're not exactly a big population group in India! It didn't go very well and I sort of lost interest, posting a few things now and then. I got a lot more regular over the last few months and have been posting almost daily since February '15. There were many reasons why I gradually became more regular in posting, but one way or the other, here I am! So this blog has taken shape, being at different points in time my showcase, my comedy club, my art gallery, my book club, my therapist, my close friend, my innermost self....but always my little corner of the world. You are all welcome to visit and I hope you stay awhile! A few points about me because I don't want to lead anyone on(and trust me this does become an issue more often than I'd care to admit). I'm Indian, the brown-skinned variety; if race, ethnicity or skin colour is an issue, you don't have to get to know me any more than what you see on my blog. I'm 40, so if age is an issue, please be informed accordingly. I was a doctor, an ophthalmic surgeon for 10 years before I quit practice.


25 thoughts on “Number 4

  1. Hope you are doing well, Dr Hb. Is it still on 22nd?

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Amy | 12/12/2017, 6:16 AM
  2. Dear Dr. B, please don’t lose hope. My husband got operated at Dr. Keiki Mehta at Mumbai, Kolaba. Every one of his patients said he can do wonders. I don’t know I should say this or not. Eyes are so precious. You have done well to others. I have faith all will be well. Wish you all the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Indira | 04/12/2017, 11:07 AM
  3. I’m so sorry that your eyes haven’t healed yet .. Please don’t give up. You are special and have helped many. Don’t lose hope ..we care so much

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Julie@frogpondfarm | 02/12/2017, 12:21 AM
  4. Please don’t give up, Dr. Hb! You had been an eye doctor, you know how your patient depended on you and you kept their hope up. My sister-in-law is having her second eye surgery in two month… Just don’t give up. We care.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Amy | 27/11/2017, 7:13 PM
  5. Stay with it, Himanshu. Don’t give up! You have a lot of friends out here who care!

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Mick Canning | 27/11/2017, 6:44 PM
  6. You were created to endure through, persevere over, and conquer all that is place in your path. Yeah we can only put so much hope in temporary things and decaying bodies that we walk this earth in. That is why there is hope outside of this world that is not limited by things that turn into trash and bodies that return to dust….and that hope is always worth holding on to.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by eccentricsheepie | 27/11/2017, 6:04 PM
  7. Don’t lose hopes doctor ji 🙂 three years ago, I was diagnosed with something that has no treatment. I am alright now whereas I was told I might not even see 2015.
    It’s difficult I agree, but whatever happens, do not lose hope 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Rekha | 27/11/2017, 4:07 PM
  8. Sorry to hear your eyes haven’t healed yet. And I’m so sorry you’re feeling so tired with it all. I’m also sorry that I’m not sure what else to say but I hope you soon find reasons to smile.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by 10000hoursleft | 27/11/2017, 3:56 PM

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