you're reading...


I woke up today with an immense sinking feeling. I was bathed in sweat and I felt as if my whole world had been taken away from me. I couldn’t move a muscle, even opening my eyes made me feel worse; I wanted to crawl into myself and die. Everything seems so pointless and so hard. It’s not been this bad in some time. How will I get through the day? Even moving my finger to type this out requires immense effort…I’m crumbling again.


About hbhatnagar

I need to fill this up with much better content than I had populated it with earlier. Why I write a blog maybe? I started blogging in 2009 or thereabouts. I was a newly turned atheist and wanted to converse with others of the same persuasion. We're not exactly a big population group in India! It didn't go very well and I sort of lost interest, posting a few things now and then. I got a lot more regular over the last few months and have been posting almost daily since February '15. There were many reasons why I gradually became more regular in posting, but one way or the other, here I am! So this blog has taken shape, being at different points in time my showcase, my comedy club, my art gallery, my book club, my therapist, my close friend, my innermost self....but always my little corner of the world. You are all welcome to visit and I hope you stay awhile! A few points about me because I don't want to lead anyone on(and trust me this does become an issue more often than I'd care to admit). I'm Indian, the brown-skinned variety; if race, ethnicity or skin colour is an issue, you don't have to get to know me any more than what you see on my blog. I'm 40, so if age is an issue, please be informed accordingly. I was a doctor, an ophthalmic surgeon for 10 years before I quit practice.


19 thoughts on “Sinking

  1. I’m reading this about 5 days after you posted it .. I was so sorry to hear how you were feeling. Thinking of you and hoping and praying that you feel better

    Liked by 2 people

    Posted by Julie@frogpondfarm | 22/01/2018, 1:34 PM
  2. Hang in there. Really am thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Mick Canning | 17/01/2018, 1:41 PM
  3. This does not sound like fun. I do hope that you are ok?

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by mliae | 17/01/2018, 12:37 PM
  4. That sounds really painful, so sorry you are facing… I hope you will get through the day. Take care, Dr. Hb. We do care.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Amy | 17/01/2018, 7:20 AM
  5. I’m glad you made that effort to reach out. Will it help if you think of it as a temporary state? It’s really hard to know how to help you but I have read and I care xx

    Liked by 3 people

    Posted by 10000hoursleft | 17/01/2018, 5:42 AM
    • Thanks. I’m trying my own version of mindfulness but it’s not working for the moment. Thank you for the kind words.

      Liked by 2 people

      Posted by hbhatnagar | 17/01/2018, 5:52 AM
      • I’m so very sorry to hear that you’re going through this, having been there myself, many times. The fact that you have the strength to say something is tremendous. I can’t imagine how terrifying this must feel, to be trapped.
        But you’ve found a way to crawl out. Mindfulness is not a cure-all, so don’t be disheartened if it is not working at the moment. As the owner of an analytical mind, the mindfulness technique is creating negative feedback loops, which are overwhelming you. Don’t think. Be like Hulk: Smash. Truly, you may need a physically cathartic experience so you don’t crash.

        Liked by 3 people

        Posted by Sabiscuit | 17/01/2018, 9:18 AM
      • Thank you Sabiscuit, I’m trying to put that mind to use, but a physical catharsis would do me good, if I could do it.

        Liked by 1 person

        Posted by hbhatnagar | 17/01/2018, 9:41 AM
      • If you could do it? You will find a way. I read somewhere that if you imagined really hard that you were doing something physically challenging, your muscles would fire in the same way. Good to see your response. I do hope your condition improves soon.

        Liked by 2 people

        Posted by Sabiscuit | 17/01/2018, 10:19 AM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


%d bloggers like this: