The problem with democracy is that if you give every asshole an equal voice, all you’ll hear is farts.
All you people enjoying bird plumage in the mating season do realize this is just the male birds’ version of sending d*** pics, right?
Saddest Superhero names #24 – Always Right at the End Man
Was the person who invented the modern toilet the first one to be flush with money?
I separated from my wife due to creative differences: she kept dreaming up new reasons to fight.
It was after they both turned to alcoholism that they realized that their marriage was on the rocks…
Got message from a “professional resume writer” and career counsellor saying he could help me develop my professional soul. I told him I would join up immediately if he promised to teach me how to make up nonsensical terms like “professional soul”. I could almost hear him mutter something unprofessional under his breath.
It’s no wonder India’s been winning medals in wrestling, we even treat driving as a contact sport.
Ever get the feeling that people who start their answer with, “Well…..” are either digging themselves into one or frantically trying to get out of one?
Prickly (adv.) – in a way that is reminiscent of a dick. Eg. Spicer made a prickly defense against charges of nepotism in the White House.