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Depression, General

Back but not back….

I’ve been back from Basel for over a week now. That was after a 10-odd day sabbatical for personal reasons….

In the last week or so I’ve posted maybe 3 blog posts? I don’t know why that is. People who know me here know that I have been a regular blogger, almost anal about it as a matter of fact. And now…I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s not that I don’t have anything post. My Google Keep is full of silly jokes and comments and poems and ghazals, my phone and camera with pics – all the usual crap I post is locked and ready.

But, I am not. And I wish I knew why.

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About hbhatnagar

I need to fill this up with much better content than I had populated it with earlier. Why I write a blog maybe? I started blogging in 2009 or thereabouts. I was a newly turned atheist and wanted to converse with others of the same persuasion. We're not exactly a big population group in India! It didn't go very well and I sort of lost interest, posting a few things now and then. I got a lot more regular over the last few months and have been posting almost daily since February '15. I was, and am suffering from depression and things had gotten out of control. I had chronicled it in my posts, but I have removed them. Not because I wanted to hide that facet of my life; if that were the case, I wouldn't be writing this. But I was lucky to come across many, many wonderful people out here who helped me. Even if it was just to post and tell me I wasn't alone. I can't tell you how thankful I am for all of you. I've tried since, to tell my own story as an attempt at catharsis (didn't work) and as a means of telling others that they weren't alone either, not in their depression, nor in their cutting or burning, nor in their thoughts of and attempts at suicide. So this blog has taken shape, being at different points in time my showcase, my comedy club, my art gallery, my book club, my therapist, my close friend, my innermost dark self....but always my little corner of the world. You are all welcome to visit and I hope you stay awhile! A few points about me because I don't want to lead anyone on. I'm Indian, the brown-skinned variety; if race, ethnicity or skin colour is an issue, you don't have to get to know me any more than what you see on my blog. I'm 40, so if age is an issue, please be informed accordingly. I was a doctor, an ophthalmic surgeon for 10 years before I quit practice. I am a depressive, have been for some time, so some things do trigger me for no rhyme or reason; I don't expect anyone to understand that this happens, just maybe accept that it does. If not, I am sorry.

Discussion

24 thoughts on “Back but not back….

  1. I don’t feel right ‘liking’ you latest post but hope you get back to a healthy and happy state soon Dr H 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by 10000hoursleft | 12/10/2016, 11:53 AM
  2. Many of us seem to have had the summer of idle or neglected blogs. Here’s to a hearty blogging fall season!! Cheers!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by mommermom | 14/08/2016, 7:06 PM
  3. Everything is a pendulum. You’ll get back into the swing of things.

    See what I did there?

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Crow | 12/08/2016, 8:38 AM
  4. When you’re ready, it’ll happen. No pressure is best. Take care! πŸ˜Šβ˜€οΈ

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by jennymarie4 | 12/08/2016, 8:25 AM
  5. Miss you, Dr. Hb. Hope you will feel better soon.
    Sometimes, there is no answer to why. Take easy.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Amy | 11/08/2016, 8:00 PM
  6. Coz the blogger hasn’t got the memo that the sabbatical is over and still enjoying the vacation.. πŸ˜‰

    Let the blogger take the break and hope to bounce back with your usual energy and a little more.. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by Aadhira | 11/08/2016, 6:48 PM
  7. I have gone though similar episodes. It will come when you are ready. It’s always a joy to read your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by lorigreer | 11/08/2016, 6:46 PM
  8. It’ll come to you πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    Posted by LionAroundWriting | 11/08/2016, 6:36 PM
  9. Don’t force it. But I do miss your blog presence.

    Liked by 2 people

    Posted by Victo Dolore | 11/08/2016, 6:33 PM
  10. I know one of the most frustrating things is not knowing why we stop doing our usual or why we don’t feel like ourselves. I hope you find your answer and feel better soon. xo

    Liked by 2 people

    Posted by The Anxiety Chronicles | 11/08/2016, 6:31 PM

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